Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait pas

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

I want the fairytale, dammit!

There. I've said it . Out loud (well, kind of) and in public (to some extent). I want the freaking fairy tale.

I have moved across the continent, about as far away from my "roots" as possible while remaining in the same country, I have switched careers three or four times, gone back to school, lived on my own, taken care of myself, my dog and my sister, and made lots of truly fabulous friends. I have also had a few not-so-successful relationships. I can do the alone thing. Have done it to death. Have nothing left to "prove" in that regard. And quite frankly I am so over the alone thing. I have actually been having mini anxiety attacks (hear that Paula, yes, me, your non-anxiety plagued sister is having anxiety attacks) over the fact that I am going to end up alone. Okay, maybe with a dozen or so dogs (please note, not cats), but alone in the human context of things.

I want someone to laugh with at the end of the day, to share dinner and breakfast with, to walk with, to go to movies with, have children with, to share with, and yes, the whole sex thing is a most excellent benefit, though not necessarily exclusive to the life-partner scenario. Sex can be found. Relationships? Not so much.

Love, courtship, marriage, friendship, kids, for ever and ever amen, I WANT IT ALL!!!!!!!!!

Now that I've said it, what am I gonna do about it? Not so sure. Haven't planned that far ahead. Admitting the want was a big enough step.

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