Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait pas

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

The delicate art of non-dating


A friend calls and asks me to join him for coffee. I go, we sit, we chat, he says that he knows I enjoy good food and wine (like, duh) and am I free Friday night. Yes, I answer. My friends who house my wine (he got the contents of his cellar in the divorce but has nowhere to keep it) are having a dinner Friday night, would you like to go. Sure, I say, sounds lovely. I didn't think anything of it. Until I got back to the office. Then I was all like "Is this a date?? and if it is indeed a date, how do I feel about it being a date? do I want it to be a date?" I called an emergency lunch with a girlfriend, explained what happened and she said "yup, it's a date; maybe" Well, great, now what? I had best prepare myself for a non-date-date, at another couple's house who knew him with his ex-wife. NO pressure there at all, nope, none.


Friend drove me home from work and said he would be back in 45 to pick me up for dinner. What the hell am I going to wear?? He said west-coast casual, but what does that mean? My mother brought me up better than to wear jeans somewhere I don't know the hosts, don't want to go overboard, but don't want to look like a slouch, either. Decide on a fun summer skirt, cardi-set and fab flip-flops (which I believe I have discussed in a past-post, to Jill's envy), which was, of course, the perfect outfit.

He arrived, got accosted by the mutts and passed their sniff test. Off we went.

This other couple were lovely and we had a great time --- great food, unbelievable wine (though a bit too much) and excellent conversation. The evening flowed with no awkward moments and all of a sudden it was 1 a.m. There was no discussion about driving; that was a foregone conclusion. And as we live in polar opposite directions from where we were at dinner, we called two cabs. So this would answer the question of: what if he goes in for the GN kiss?? Well, the first cab arrived, and he walked me to the curb, quick hug an a peck and off home I went.

I knew I wouldn't see or hear from him on the weekend as I was slammed busy and he had his (teenage) kids. Chatted Monday, thanked hm for a great evening, he met my sister (passed her sniff test too, I think. Paula??) and that was that. Still very ambiguous.

This dating or non-dating or whatever in your late 30's is not easy stuff.

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