The delicate art of non-dating

Tuesday

A friend calls and asks me to join him for coffee. I go, we sit, we chat, he says that he knows I enjoy good food and wine (like, duh) and am I free Friday night. Yes, I answer. My friends who house my wine (he got the contents of his cellar in the divorce but has nowhere to keep it) are having a dinner Friday night, would you like to go. Sure, I say, sounds lovely. I didn't think anything of it. Until I got back to the office. Then I was all like "Is this a date?? and if it is indeed a date, how do I feel about it being a date? do I want it to be a date?" I called an emergency lunch with a girlfriend, explained what happened and she said "yup, it's a date; maybe" Well, great, now what? I had best prepare myself for a non-date-date, at another couple's house who knew him with his ex-wife. NO pressure there at all, nope, none.

Friday

Friend drove me home from work and said he would be back in 45 to pick me up for dinner. What the hell am I going to wear?? He said west-coast casual, but what does that mean? My mother brought me up better than to wear jeans somewhere I don't know the hosts, don't want to go overboard, but don't want to look like a slouch, either. Decide on a fun summer skirt, cardi-set and fab flip-flops (which I believe I have discussed in a past-post, to Jill's envy), which was, of course, the perfect outfit.

He arrived, got accosted by the mutts and passed their sniff test. Off we went.

This other couple were lovely and we had a great time --- great food, unbelievable wine (though a bit too much) and excellent conversation. The evening flowed with no awkward moments and all of a sudden it was 1 a.m. There was no discussion about driving; that was a foregone conclusion. And as we live in polar opposite directions from where we were at dinner, we called two cabs. So this would answer the question of: what if he goes in for the GN kiss?? Well, the first cab arrived, and he walked me to the curb, quick hug an a peck and off home I went.

I knew I wouldn't see or hear from him on the weekend as I was slammed busy and he had his (teenage) kids. Chatted Monday, thanked hm for a great evening, he met my sister (passed her sniff test too, I think. Paula??) and that was that. Still very ambiguous.

This dating or non-dating or whatever in your late 30's is not easy stuff.