Last Day

This is it, my last day as a paralegal/administrative assistant in the wonderful and exciting world of private practice, huge national firm, commercial litigation!!!!! Monday marks the start of a new career and I am both terribly excited and ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!

I am entering a field that I know virtually nothing about, don't know anyone at the new place and, after the CEO, CFO and President of the company, there's me. Yup, that's right. No more entry level, support positions for this girl.

What happens when they find out that I don't really know what the hell I am doing?????

this & that

my new favourite product ---- Burt's Bees Lip Shimmer (watermelon and champagne are my 2 favourites). you see I hate the feeling of lip stick or lip gloss but am addicted to my Burt's Bees chapstick, so now I can get a little hint of colour without the ickiness of lip stick/gloss.

latest television obsession: Tuckerville. seriously, I am OBSESSED with this show. WT to the max which of course is what makes it so fabulous

can't wrap my head around: "But can they sing?" can anyone help me out on this one?

and we're back ....

After a 5 month hiatus all is well, lots has changed and this blog will (most probably) be back in action on a regular basis.

I offer for your amusement last night's adventure:

I went out last night to my neighbourhood store to get some milk for Monday's morning coffee and was accosted by a strange woman accusing me of having an affair with her husband and being the reason that he left her and wrecking her marriage.

WTF?????

What I managed to get of her was this:

Her husband walks their dog Skye in the morning at around the same time that I walk Maggie. Several other people, mostly men, walk their dogs in and around the same time and place as well. Most mornings I am the only woman out there, basically because I live in a predominantly family oriented neighbourhood and I guess it is the dads' job to walk the family mutt in the morning. (note to self: must remember to pick one of those useful household items up for dog-walking, trash removal, etc). Anyway, this is the basis for her MISTAKEN belief that I am having an affair with her husband --- she had seen us walking the dogs together, ergo the next logical step was sex, I guess.

Now it wasn't until she told me the name of their dog that I figured out who her husband was and, in a word, YUCK!!!! There are some rather attractive dad's in the neighbourhood if I was inclined that way (which I am not, (being a homewrecker, that is)), but this man? No way!!!!! Comb-over city, baby. And paunchy. And pale. I mean, come on, if I am going to be branded a husband-stealing hussy at least let it be with the chocolate lab's hunky dad, Bill.

I think I managed to convince this woman that she was mistaken, but I'm not sure, so Maggie and I will be very, very cautious when we venture out after dark in the future .....

p.s. new career starting May 1 and I am very excited about it

TBC 2006

probably

edit: okay, so it's not, like, going to be FOREVER. just for now

nothing's wrong, nothing all that exciting is happening and Eve, I am NOT being incarcerated (thanks for the note of concern, though)

My new crush

Not only is he super cute ---- have you seen the cover of Details? But he just adopted a Puggle. I mean, come on, that is swoon-worthy!

we need to talk

Quite possibly the 4 most dreaded words in the English language, especially when uttered in terms of a budding relationship. Well boys and girls I was on the receiving end of those words last week and am still reeling. Once the vomiting and crying stopped I was kind of able to look at the situation rationally. Here's what happened.

Saturday night: dinner party, fabulous time, the "not just a torrid affair" line was delivered, happy, happy Kathryn

Sunday morning: slightly awkward, but to be expected, still a happy girl

Monday & Tuesday: spoke with him briefly both days, but was okay with that as I knew he was ridiculously busy (we work at the same place, I know what he's up to) and also knew we had plans for Friday so was not worried.

Wednesday morning: got an email from him "I'm not ignoring you, just completely consumed with work and it looks like I will be Friday and all weekend. Will keep you apprised." My reply: 'didn't think you were ignoring me, but thanks for the note. I appreciate it."

Wednesday night: He calls on his way home from work, around 8 "can I come over?" "sure, any particular reason?" (am not all that thrilled as have just come in from a run, am tired and hungry and have a headache) "yes, we have to talk" "about...." "last weekend" "oh, okay then"

He arrives, I basically flinch when he goes to kiss me, knowing what's coming, and he proceeds to tell me that he thought he was ready for this, but realizes now that he's not and wants to go back to where we were before the weekend, you know, just dating and doing stuff and taking it slow. He stayed for a few hours, long enough for me to know that I did not wnat to loose him, and then left. I did not cry in front of him, but sure made up for it once he was out the door.

What did the emotional and irrational Kathryn hear?? "The thought of being with you makes me physically sick".

I know that's not what he said, but that's what I heard.

I asked him why he had started this thing in the first place, it was all him, his idea, his pace, etc. I was (am) a willing participant, but totally followed his lead.

I wanted to see where it would go, was the response. I love spending time with you and doing things with you an being with you, it's just that I can't give you all of me right now (divorce, kids, work, etc.)

Well, babe, here it is. Here is where it has gone. Happy??

I guess I am the most dispensable stress at the moment.

So here we are, in relationship limbo, still friends, still technically "dating", I can't keep food down (though wine works), my house is SPOTLESS, I have redecorated my apartment (it looks fabulous). I don't regret it, I am just pissed as hell at him for making me act like this. It would a whole hell of a lot easier if I could just tell him to fuck right off and get the hell out of my life, but I can't.

So, I guess I'll wait. And give him whatever space and time he needs and trust that he will, in fact, come to his bloody senses sooner rather than later. The only thing I know for certain is that I want him in my life, and NOT as a "buddy".

On a happier note, I have a fun visitor arriving later this week for the weekend. I am sure there will be many amusing tales to tell (if I am permitted to do so ...).

Jill --- romantic comedy enough for you?? I am waiting for the comedy part.

Just when I thought I'd seen it all ....

Guy on a Crappy Tire variety "mountain bike", dressed in jeans, windbreaker and cowboy boots, talking on a cell phone, smoking a joint, all while riding on the sidewalk up Robson Street at lunch time.

Yes, I resisted the urge to hip-check him right in to traffic.

Barely.

not just a torrid affair

"I wanted to be sure that if we started this it wasn't just going to be a torrid affair. I'm in this for the long haul."

Now, isn't that what pretty much every woman wants to hear?

Friday randomness

Okay, I apologize for being so bloody boring -- you can stop emailing me and calling me to tell me this. The "problem" is that I am actually quite content at the moment and I guess my being content translates into my being boring. Sorry. In an attempt at reparation, I offer this:

1. One of our receptionists here at work wears the most God-awful perfume known to man. Actually, I don't think it's perfume at all, more like one of those tacky body sprays from the 80's. In fact, she probably bought it in the 80's, in bulk. Anyway, the smell makes me retch. Up to now this hasn't been such a huge problem because she worked 6 floors above me and I didn't have to be in her "zone" all that often. However, that all changed yesterday. She is now the receptionist down on this floor and is contained in the reception area between 2 doors --- which just serves to intensify the stink. If I complain, they will ban everyone from wearing anything scented and that's not fair. What to do, what to do. Suggestions welcome... (and we haven't even touched on her fashion sense, or lack thereof. Just think big time WT)

2. Arguing with me about what coffee I ordered is NOT A GOOD IDEA. I order the same damn thing every morning and have done so for the past 4 years. Arguing with a girl at 8:20 in the morning before she has had her caffeine is just plain STUPID. I know that I ordered a 4-shot venti Americano. everyone else at your store knows that's what I ordered. don't try and pawn off your lame-ass chai latte on me. I don't drink that. Ever. Tyler (old manager who abandoned us last week for a new store) I miss you!!!!

3. I get to have dinner tomorrow night at the non-date's house -- aside: I think we can now officially remove the "non" prefix from his name -- with another couple, his oldest friends. Now you might be thinking, isn't;t that lovely. Well, you see, he told me a few months ago when we were just starting with the whole non-dating thing that traditionally he went with them sailing in the Caribbean and the like on holidays pretty much every spring and summer. They told him this year that while he was always welcome, as were his children, any other women, though she would undoutedly be lovely, would not be. I don't think he remembers telling me this little tidbit of information. I won't remind him of it until after. Forewarned is forearmed and all that I guess. Will report back Monday if I survive.

Happy Friday!! (and I promise to try and be miserable and therefore more entertaining)

We've come a long way, baby

I was flipping through a book on cross-examination recently (I know, what a damned exciting life I lead) and came across this gem:

The Female Witness

There is an old view that women are impossible to cross-examine and so should be avoided. Myths have grown up over the years about the difficulty of cross-examining women and how any attempt to do so only leads to tragedy for your client's cause.

If the witness happens to be a woman, and at the close of her testimony in-chief it seems that she will be more than a match for the cross-examiner, it often works like a charm on the jury to practise upon her what may be styled the silent cross-examination. Rise suddenly as if you intend to cross-examine. The witness will turn a determined face toward you, preparatory to demolishing you with her first answer. This is the signal for you to hesitate a moment. Look her over good naturedly as if you were in doubt whether it would be worthwhile to question her - and sit down. It can be done by a good actor in such a manner to be equivalent to saying to the jury, "what's the use? She is only a woman."

This passage is from a wonderful text, Cross-Examination, The Art of the Advocate, by Roger E. Salhany, A Judge of the District Court of Ontario. Date? 1988. That's right, not 1888, 1988.

We can vote, right?? And own property, and hold down a job, etc.?? Just checking.

To flush or not to flush

that, dear readers, is the question.


I am getting rather sick of the Sea Monkeys so I am going to leave it up to anyone who cares enough to bother:

flush or not??

p.s. Paula & Sarah - I got your message, a non-dating update to follow (and it's GOOD)

The Ice Queens' Dream Team

Here they are, the Ice Queens "Dream Team" -- we currently sit in 5th place, out of a possible 18, and one of our key players isn't even playing. Sergei, that's okay, we know you will come out with guns blazing by mid-season. We still love you.

To quote the most recent edition of our newsletter:

"Team Ice Queens is further proof that luck, not skill, plays the greater role in team selection. With only two criteria for team selection - the players must be cute, and the players must be air heads - Ice Queens hold down 8th place. [now we are in 5th -- take that!!!] Look for this team to be in trouble when their players all sign contracts to endorse men's perfumes, and quit hockey for good."

B. Shanahan

P. Sykora

T. Selanne

M. Ryder

A. Perezhogin

B. Morrow

Saku Koivu

Ed Jovanovski

Sergei Federov

M. Bell

Biting my tongue, and it hurts

Like it or not, we are all creatures of habit. I take the same bus in to work every morning, hit the Starbucks at Chapters on Robson for my 5 shot Venti Americano at pretty the same time every morning, and then make my way up the street to the office. Others are also on this "schedule" so the same group of us tend to congregate around the bar area of Starbucks awaiting our morning caffeinated beverage of choice. I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut about something (shocking, I know) ---- a woman around my age complain each and every morning that she is just not loosing any weight. I am NOT one to comment on another's weight, as it is a VERY sensitive issue with me but this may just be the exception.

Now this woman is around my height, 5'9 or thereabouts, but probably outweighs me by at least 50 pounds and makes me feel quite petite. Each and every morning she orders a venti white mocha WITH WHIP. I went to the handy dandy Starbucks calorie counter and that little bevy weighs in at a whopping 650 calories! She has one of these mochas at least 5 times a week (that I know of). I don't care that she drinks them --- knock yourself out, baby. What bothers me is her constant whining about how she's not loosing any weight while drinking them.

No fucking kidding.

Sunshine and Light

So apparently I am supposed to be less negative at the workplace as I am a "role model" and people "look to me for direction" and "take their cues from me". And this is my problem because???? Also, they don't pay me near enough to be a bloody role model for the rabble.

Anyway, I am taking this opportunity to spew forth the bile and bitterness that has accumulated yesterday and today so that I will emit only sunshine and light here at work.

1. why are you still wearing white pants??? It's the fucking end of October for Chrissakes!!!! It's not even like it's a week or two past Labour Day --- Halloween is 6 sleeps away. I know that white is more acceptable these days out of season, but I do believe that this "rule" applies to winter white, more cream, and to textiles like wool and silk, NOT cotton and linen.

2. personal hygiene; I am a HUGE fan. Buy some deodorant, please. If you can't afford it, go to a shelter, they will give you some for FREE. Listen, you stink and I can't be anywhere near you without retching.

3. open toed shoes (see 1, above). If it's Saturday and not raining or snowing and you are at the beach or kicking round the coffee shop in loungewear, fine (sort of). But at work? With a suit? Or worse, nylons???????? 'nuff said

4. I don't care that you are a "foreign student". You are in Canada now. Get with the program.

5. I don't get paid enough to put up with your crap.

6. you are NOT more important than me. or anyone, for that matter. get over yourself.


Okay, sunshine and light for here on in ......

The Pink Birkin

So I could try and pretend that "stuff" really doesn't really mean all that much to me but that would really be ONE BIG FAT LIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love nice things. And nice things tend to be expensive. As one person recently pointed out, I have champagne taste on a water budget (and tap water at that).

My latest obsession? The pink Hermes Birkin bag. (this means admitting of course that I watch the Gilmour Girls religiously, and I'm okay with that). It can be mine for a mere $29,500 (USD) on ebay. It will go fabulously with the Manolos I plan to one day own, at a far more reasonable $749.00 (CDN).

You see? Expense is all relative.

Maggie at Camp

My sister has taken Maggie with her to Camp Brakendale for the week, leaving me footloose and fancy free (though I miss the little monster). She called last night (my sister, not Maggie) with a report on her first full day.

Now my sister's dog, Trudy, is governed by food. However, she is also very lazy. Maggie, on the other hand, is far too clever for her own good and motivated by the challenge. My sister keeps Trudy's food in an old firewood box that has a hinged, not latched, lid. Trudy is well aware that that is where the food is kept, but not that she is very able to get at it whenever she chooses. This set up works for them.

Enter Maggie.

Last night my sister came home from work to find Maggie holding open the lid to the food box while Trudy was chowing down. Paula said the image was priceless, and was upset that she couldn't capture this true Kodak Moment.

The lid is now being weighted for the duration of the princess's stay.

Oh, and much do you think my vegan sister is enjoying feeding Maggie her nightly dinner of raw chicken carcass???

Train wreck, again

Yeah, so it seems I've dropped 10 pounds (1 and a bit dress sizes) in the last 2 weeks, can survive on 3 hours of sleep and night and need nothing more than 8 coffees a day and the occasional glass of wine to keep me alive. Oh, and I am jonesing for a cigarette like you wouldn't believe, but I WILL NOT give in to that temptation.

Why? Yup, that's right, the Non-Date.

We went to a wedding together yesterday --- an old friend of his second. We had a lovely time. I had a great outfit. He was the perfect date. He referred to us as "we" throughout --- as is "we'll have them over for dinner" and "we'll get together with them when I get back from holiday". It felt great. I felt confident and fabulous and all that stuff.

It was a noon wedding and so we left by 4. We then went for a long walk at the beach in the pouring rain (we changed out of the party clothes), then back to his place for tea, then he made us dinner and we talked and talked and talked about EVERYTHING except what I needed/wanted to talk about. There were a few opportune times when it would have been perfect to bring it up, but his ex-wife called 3 times. He asked me each time if I minded if he picked up. Of course not, it could be about the kids or something equally important. (it was the first time; the second and third were about stereo/video hookups). That weirded me out, so I backed off. He drove me home at 11.

I think I maybe got to sleep at 4 a.m., up at 7 and at the office by 8:30. I look like HELL.

Here's the thing: he is going to Mexico Wednesday morning for 2 weeks (the trip I am not going on). I thought I could wait until he got back to ask him where I/we/he stands. I can't. So, I emailed him about an hour ago to see if he had time for me at some point tonight. haven't heard. I feel like I am going to throw up.

When I am with him I am happy and content. When I am not, I am a raving lunatic. This is very new to me, the control and emotionally stunted freak that I am.

Happy, happy times in my life at the moment.

Fishing

Can someone please explain to me the fun in fishing for salmon while they are trying to get their tired asses up the river???

I get fishing in general. Really, I do. I don't eat the things, but whatever. What I don't get are the people who line the Capilano River during the spawning season trying to catch the suckers. Where is the sport in that? These fish are TIRED. And BEAT TO SHIT. Have you ever seen a salmon after it has made its way up a long river?? NOT PRETTY.

The whole thing kind of reminds me of the assholes who feed the deer all summer long in their backyards and the day hunting season opens, BAM! Dead. Nice.

Happy Friday!

Sea Monkey Photos part deux

okay, well here are the long-awaited photos of the creepy Sea Monkeys. You'll have to look real close, as they are pretty small and hard to capture with the camera we have at our disposal. I am also sad to report that the Sea Monkey population seems to have decreased markedly over the long weekend.

Those little white things floating around? That's them.

George and the monkeys

Up-close with the monkeys

That's the view from my, unfortunately, temporary office

That's it!

Sea Monkey Photos - the set up

Here are photos from the "creation" stage of the great SM adventure (to quote MM). Due to technical difficulties photos of the actual creepy critters won't be available until next week

preparing the water

the monkeys keep George (was Stroumboulopoulos, now Clooney) company

The Official Executive Sea Monkey Kit

(pretty fancy, dontcha think??)

Now, wasn't that worth the wait?????